I sent an email I am still unsure of. These things fester in my heart and by the time they become emails, Lord help the recipient. I did wait on this one, and edit and edit. Through the years since my divorce one of my ex husbands favorite past times has been latching on to what is important to me in order to bother me with it. (Or so it seems from my point of view.) He clung desperately to our pastor and would call me victoriously to announce their next golf game. When I left that church, he grew bored and lost touch with that pastor. Whenever he possibly can, he will latch on to conversations with my family, who are boundlessly more generous and loving than his own. Because to his family, I am "dead" (yes, picture a large Italian woman spitting on the floor) he finds great joy in not being dead to mine. On one hand this is a beautiful picture of the love people have for one another. They see him as the father of my children and their words and cards of encouragement would be an enormous blessing in most situations. Unfortunately, my ex can't keep the love they've shown to himself. He calls me joyfully to announce the father's day card from my parents. He speaks endlessly of his plans to golf with my stepbrother when his job takes him to Boise. He is (or was ... but that's to come) facebook friends with them all. He loves nothing more than to tell me he spent a Sunday at my sister's discussing the multitude of things that are wrong with me. I have asked family members in the past to cut off contact with him, both because of his attitude and because I would like to have a new husband someday and I want them to have room in our family for him. I began feeling lately that I hadn't asked strongly enough, as recent contact with my ex from my family started an extremely stressful argument between us. So, I wrote a group email to my parents and siblings giving them an opportunity to choose. Relationship with him or relationship with me. I sent the email two days ago, and so far no response. However, it does seem that the ex has been dumped as a facebook friend by a few .... just a stepsister and a brother in law to go.

These are conversations I wish I didn't have to have. This is what people don't consider when they think of what it's like to be divorced. I don't regret my divorce because the things that drove us apart still have not changed and likely will never change, but this is not easy. Not for anyone.